…I shouldn’t have left you, without a strong…blog to step to…????
If you didn’t grow up in the 80’s…listening to hip-hop…you probably have no idea to what I’m referring above and the reference was lost on you. No matter.
I don’t have a rhyme, per se (again, means nothing to you if you don’t know Eric B & Rakim.). But I’m pretty sure I had/have a story to tell, despite my silence…
And about that…
90% of my silence over the past two months has been legitimate and circumstantial: I’ve barely had a minute to breathe, let alone blog…working 15 hours a day, 7 days a week (banker hours minus the banker comp; #fail).
10% of my silence has been censorship: both self-imposed and suggested. You see, for better or for worse, I only know how to be one way: Real. If I can’t be real, I’m usually silent (Hey, I work at extremes. Knowing is half the battle. Go Joe.). My dad (Hi Daddy!) was worried that I was being too real in my posts and he admonished me to, perhaps, create a secondary outlet and refrain from sharing some of my reflections in a public forum. See above re: the barely have time to breathe thing; definitely didn’t have time to filter and parse out information. So, I just stopped writing.
Well, I’m in an interesting (yes a weak and effortless descriptor) place right now. Sooooooo, not as concerned about a filter…
Today was my first day back at work after a weekend off (what a novel concept). I was off Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. I was in NYC from Thu night to Mon night. Aaaahhh. I took advantage of basic goods and services that I miss in NJ (shout out to my family at Hair Styling by Joseph, the tailor at Eleganza Tailors, the good people at Bloomingdale’s, the aesthetician at Anastasia Brow Studio, my mani/pedi lady on 5th Ave, and the patient folks at Robert Marc). I attended a friend’s housewarming/birthday party, I had drinks with two other friends, I went to my church, I saw Baby Sister’s new apartment, I went shopping at Ikea for Baby Sister’s new apartment, I spent time with Dad, I spent time w/Husband, I spent more time w/Dad, and more time w/Baby Sister. It was a good weekend. It was a full weekend. It was a (relatively) complete weekend.
And that’s what I’m missing currently: completeness. My whole self.
I’m never my best self when I’m hyper-focused and unreasonably unbalanced…
Look, I don’t subscribe to the ever elusive “work-life balance” fairytale. I’m fully aware that “work-life balance” is akin to a unicorn. However, I do know that the extreme—at which I’ve been operating—is not sustainable. Something has to give. TBD on that something but I have faith it will present itself.I know for sure that staying the same is not an option; so I have every confidence that something will change.And in the meantime…
I think I’ll go have another glass of wine, listen to music, and maybe surf the web for another 20 minutes. Back to intelligent, purposeful, focused commentary some other time…
PS: on that focused commentary/story to tell…so many things. Lessons about leadership, coaching, professionalism, pride, integrity, personal development, managing up, managing peers, relationship building, influencing skills, and more.
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