Waiting.

Well, 9/16 has come and gone.  And Baby Pope has decided he/she isn’t ready to make a grand entrance into the world yet.

And this surprises me ‘cause…why?

First of all, an EDD—or “estimated due date”—is just that, an estimate.

Secondly, only 5% of babies are born on their due dates.   That means 95% (‘9’, ‘5’ folks) are NOT born on their actual due date.

Sooooo why the heck was I surprised/anxious/annoyed/disappointed/add-any-other-negative-emotion-you’d-like-here when MY little crumb snatcher did not arrive on 9/16??

Because I’m a Type-A, uber project manager who truly believed that any child of mine would operate on my schedule, of course.

Guess who was not a happy camper?

Last night and this morning I found myself slipping into this angry place—for a host of reasons.  One, I was disappointed that the baby didn’t come “on-time” (whatever that was supposed to mean—see statistic above).  Two, I was restless and feeling “unproductive”—like I didn’t know what to do with myself and all of my newfound free time!  And if you know me, you know I must always be “doing” something (“Captain Productivity” reporting to duty!  All I need is a super-hero outfit; I already have my super-hero theme music!).  What makes this somewhat ironic is that, weeks ago, I was concerned about the baby coming early because I had SO much to get done around the house.  I was anxious about not checking everything off of the master to-do list.  Well, for the most part, I have completed that to-do list.  So now, with no real “project” or “deliverable” left, I felt lost!  What’s more, given that I have been on maternity leave for two weeks, I am pretty much removed from my work responsibilities at this point (aka my good ‘ole, reliable standby for feeling a sense of accomplishment).  All of this made for a miserable 16 hours.

Then, this afternoon, I had a major epiphany.  I realized that:

Subsequently, the question I heard in my spirit was: “is there something in particular you are supposed to do with this ‘free time’?”  The answer was a resounding “yes!” This revelation immediately shifted my perspective and turned my attitude around.  Thank goodness.  The truth is, as much as I would like to maintain control over everything, I just can’t.  So I need to make the most out of my current circumstances—I need to be in the here and now, be present, realize that I can’t get this time back, and capitalize on this wonderful season in my life.

And thus one of many lessons associated w/parenthood begins: it’s not all about you, dear.  The funny thing is, this lesson in particular is really a larger character lesson for me—with reach far beyond parenthood.  This is a lesson about control (giving it up), patience (yet another reminder it is a virtue I don’t possess but need to develop ASAP), flexibility (things are not going to always go according to plan), and temperance (sometimes it pays to just…what did Weiner say…”chillax”.)

And so we wait…