As with most, when the pandemic hit and outside shut down, life as I knew it came to a screeching halt. Accordingly, I spent 3.5 months inside (-ish). Working, homeschooling, principaling, and caretaking. You know what I didn’t do? Blog. That’s what. And, of course, I waited until outside reopened to decide to blog again. And to purge my basement. Go figure.
Where To Start
During the past few months, I’ve had plenty of topics about which I could write. However, I didn’t. Partially as a function of time (I know–you’re saying there’s no way on earth you didn’t have time to write but…). Partially as a function of desire. Partially as a function of capacity–I found myself so overwhelmed with All The Things. All. The. Things. I didn’t know where to start. My mind bounced from COVID, to work, to homeschooling, to providing The Cubs a safe mental/emotional space, to George Floyd, to 400 years of racial injustice, to protests, to my future, to virus surges…all at once. Where do you start with all of that? I don’t know either. So…I didn’t.
And here I am. Ready to jump into blogging again. Feet first. Because I now have all the time in the world (*eye roll*).
So, in the spirit of playing catch up, here are just three things top of mind:
- A Reckoning (and what’s next)
- That COVID Life
- Outside Reopened (-ish). Now What?
A Reckoning
I still have not watched the video. I can’t. I won’t. I realize some will take objection to that decision but…it’s my truth. And my mental health. I am devastated by the senseless murder of George Floyd. And that’s without viewing those tragic 8 minutes and 46 seconds of torture. I mourn the loss of a life so carelessly taken, seemingly without any regard.
You know who else I mourn? Ahmaud Arbery. Because heaven forbid someone just wants to take a jog.
And you know what else I mourn? The conditions that caused a woman to think it was ok to threaten a bird watcher in Central Park with calling the police. Just because he had the audacity to ask her to….follow the rules.
All of these things happened in a matter of days/weeks. Floyd’s death was the proverbial straw. People said enough.
As a country, it appears we are–at last–facing a reckoning on the stain of racism. Major corporations have made public commitments to dismantling the systems that perpetuate the same. Irrespective of your politics, it’s hard to deny that it’s time for change. And I want to effect change. I want to be a part of the solution. That said, there are different ways to engage in anti-racism work. Everyone has a lane–based on their natural gifts, learned skills, and lived experience. I’m working through my lane and where I fit. Sneak peek: I think it’s advocacy and I know it will at least entail voting, policy, and education. Thinking of a master plan…
That COVID Life
So, let’s be clear: the aforementioned atrocities and corresponding uprising happened during a once-in-a-century global pandemic. Because we didn’t have enough to contend with as a society. NBD.
While processing all of the above, I was also juggling work, homeschooling, and keeping two precocious little people alive. While still being concerned about COVID (would I or anyone I love contract the disease?) and the disproportionate impact on people of color (would I or anyone I love–particularly in my hometown of NYC–contract the disease?)
The last 3.5 months were wracked w/uncertainty, riddled with anxiety, and laced with endless machinations. And? They were also–oddly–restorative, enlightening, and empowering on a number of fronts. I learned a ton about myself, I developed new, healthy habits, and I’ve cemented a vision of how I want to live my life moving forward. Will unpack this in future posts.
Outside Reopened (-ish)
Professionally, I’m physically back at work full-time. After being closed for 95 days, the property reopened at the end of last week. It was quite a heavy lift to get the property prepped, team members recalled, and processes in place to adhere to health, safety, and social distancing protocols. We got it done and we’re back in business.
Personally, it has been an adjustment–for me and for The Cubs. They went from not seeing mommy as much as they would have liked (pre-shutdown), to suddenly seeing mommy ALL OF THE TIME. Mommy was their teacher, caretaker, cheerleader, playmate, and BFF. And, while I thought that would grow old for them, it never happened. They couldn’t get enough. If I left the room, they followed me. If they didn’t see me, they called for me. They were my human shadows for 95 days. Their mommy appetite was insatiable. And, funny enough, mine for them was the same. While I didn’t think it was possible, I have fallen deeper in love with them. So, while I’m thrilled to be back on the property full-time and down to only two jobs vs. four, I find myself missing my time with The Cubs and sensitive to the fact that they’re missing their time with me.
Now What?
Man, listen. I’m always asking that question. Always. And, now I’m threading the needle–fiercely trying to remain present while answering some of the big, existential queries. The thing is…I think I may finally have some answers. *gasp* Let’s see.
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