In a previous post, we introduced Impostor Syndrome and discussed the what. In this post, we’ll touch on the why and…on my why.
Why Might This Be a Thing?
According to Valerie Young, author of The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women, there 
are good reasons why you may feel like an impostor. Seven to be exact!
- You Were Raised By Humans
- You Are a Student
- You Work in an Organizational Culture That Feeds Self-Doubt
- You Work Alone
- You Work in a Creative Field
- You Are a Stranger in a Strange Land
- You Represent Your Entire Social Group
Chapter two nicely articulates each of the above so I encourage you to grab the book to learn more. In the meantime, I’m going to unpack one of the two reasons that resonated with me the most: lucky number 6.
Why This is a Thing for Me
Being a stranger in a strange land may seem obvious and the opposite of earth-shattering on the surface. However, even I was surprised at my findings–and my accompanying emotions–while reading this book.
So, So, So Many Strange Lands
I am the Mayor, Governor, President, and Empress of The Strange Lands. I, apparently, don’t know a land that isn’t strange. I:
- studied computer science in high school (back when they were still teaching RPG and Basic!)
- studied electrical engineering in undergrad
- worked on Wall Street
- attended business school and earned an MBA
- am an operations executive in the gaming industry
I have spent 70% of my life in male-dominated academic and professional pursuits. Said differently–for the last three decades, I have consistently lived as a F.O.D. In Shonda Rhimes parlance: First. Only. Different. And, as Ms. Young contends in her book, “when you feel like an outsider you are, in a sense, wearing a mask, a situation that can easily open the door for impostor feelings to slip in.” That said, I posit that the door for these feelings opened a while ago…
The Beginning: Race & Gender
When I was 12, I told my father I wanted to be a computer engineer. He responded: “That’s a male-dominated profession, you know. You will have to work harder because you are black AND you are a woman–two strikes against you.” Raised in the Jim Crow south, my father had a very different experience with race than I had growing up. He viewed the world through that lens and it was always top of mind for him–rightfully so. Therefore, I understood why he said what he said. At the time, I simply accepted it as his reality but didn’t see it as mine. I believed that work would be a meritocracy and that if I worked hard, I would be successful. However, subconsciously, the suffocating seed–that I didn’t belong–was planted and would inevitably bloom into what we now know as impostor syndrome.
One More Strangeness: First Generation
Official Portrait of Justice Sonia Sotomayor
Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor, the first Hispanic and Latina justice, has been quoted on her experience in this realm. Born in The Bronx, Justice Sotomayor is the daughter of Puerto Rican-born, working-class parents. On the topic, she stated: “I have spent my years since Princeton, while at law school and in my various professional jobs, not feeling completely a part of the worlds I inhabit. I am always looking over my shoulder wondering if I measure up.”
Similar to Justice Sotomayor, I am a first-generation college graduate. And, by extension, a first-generation, black, woman professional. My father graduated high school, fought in Vietnam, and worked for the USPS. My mother earned her GED, was on public assistance and worked various secretarial jobs before landing at the USPS as well. I am keenly aware that I am in rooms my parents and grandparents could have never imagined. I sit at tables they could have never visualized. And, while I worked my tail off to get there, I will admit that I struggle with these impostor feelings. Hell, based on the research, it’s easy to see why–particularly when no one in the room looks like you.
That’s impostor syndrome. That’s my why this is a thing for me.
And You?
If any of this sounds familiar, I want you to know you’re not alone. Not by a long shot. There are plenty of first-geners, women, people of color, LGBTQ, differently-abled, and fill-in-the-blank way to describe otherness in the workplace. If you are not in the majority–if you are a stranger in a strange land–this all may ring true for you. Now you know why.
Knowing and understanding impostor syndrome puts a name–backed by research–to the fraud feelings. The beauty in the awareness is also knowing there are ways to confront and address the feelings. In my next post, I’ll explore some of the ways impostor syndrome shows up and discuss tips to combat.
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