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This is Not About Me

The Journey Towards Purpose and Peace

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Impostor Syndrome Part II: 7 Reasons You May Feel Like an Impostor (and the one reason I do)

12/28/2019 By Jacqueline No Comments

In a previous post, we introduced Impostor Syndrome and discussed the what.  In this post, we’ll touch on the why and…on my why.

Why Might This Be a Thing?

According to Valerie Young, author of The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women, there are good reasons why you may feel like an impostor.  Seven to be exact!

  1. You Were Raised By Humans
  2. You Are a Student
  3. You Work in an Organizational Culture That Feeds Self-Doubt
  4. You Work Alone
  5. You Work in a Creative Field
  6. You Are a Stranger in a Strange Land
  7. You Represent Your Entire Social Group

Chapter two nicely articulates each of the above so I encourage you to grab the book to learn more.  In the meantime, I’m going to unpack one of the two reasons that resonated with me the most: lucky number 6.

Why This is a Thing for Me

Being a stranger in a strange land may seem obvious and the opposite of earth-shattering on the surface.  However, even I was surprised at my findings–and my accompanying emotions–while reading this book.

So, So, So Many Strange Lands

I am the Mayor, Governor, President, and Empress of The Strange Lands. I, apparently, don’t know a land that isn’t strange.  I:

  • studied computer science in high school (back when they were still teaching RPG and Basic!)
  • studied electrical engineering in undergrad
  • worked on Wall Street
  • attended business school and earned an MBA
  • am an operations executive in the gaming industry

I have spent 70% of my life in male-dominated academic and professional pursuits.  Said differently–for the last three decades, I have consistently lived as a F.O.D. In Shonda Rhimes parlance: First. Only. Different.  And, as Ms. Young contends in her book, “when you feel like an outsider you are, in a sense, wearing a mask, a situation that can easily open the door for impostor feelings to slip in.”  That said, I posit that the door for these feelings opened a while ago…  

The Beginning: Race & Gender

When I was 12, I told my father I wanted to be a computer engineer.  He responded: “That’s a male-dominated profession, you know.  You will have to work harder because you are black AND you are a woman–two strikes against you.” Raised in the Jim Crow south, my father had a very different experience with race than I had growing up.  He viewed the world through that lens and it was always top of mind for him–rightfully so.  Therefore, I understood why he said what he said. At the time, I simply accepted it as his reality but didn’t see it as mine.  I believed that work would be a meritocracy and that if I worked hard, I would be successful.  However, subconsciously, the suffocating seed–that I didn’t belong–was planted and would inevitably bloom into what we now know as impostor syndrome.

One More Strangeness: First Generation

Official Portrait of Justice Sonia Sotomayor

Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor, the first Hispanic and Latina justice, has been quoted on her experience in this realm.  Born in The Bronx, Justice Sotomayor is the daughter of Puerto Rican-born, working-class parents. On the topic, she stated: “I have spent my years since Princeton, while at law school and in my various professional jobs, not feeling completely a part of the worlds I inhabit.  I am always looking over my shoulder wondering if I measure up.”

Similar to Justice Sotomayor, I am a first-generation college graduate.  And, by extension, a first-generation, black, woman professional. My father graduated high school, fought in Vietnam, and worked for the USPS.  My mother earned her GED, was on public assistance and worked various secretarial jobs before landing at the USPS as well.  I am keenly aware that I am in rooms my parents and grandparents could have never imagined. I sit at tables they could have never visualized.  And, while I worked my tail off to get there, I will admit that I struggle with these impostor feelings.  Hell, based on the research, it’s easy to see why–particularly when no one in the room looks like you.

That’s impostor syndrome.  That’s my why this is a thing for me.

And You?

If any of this sounds familiar, I want you to know you’re not alone.  Not by a long shot.  There are plenty of first-geners, women, people of color, LGBTQ, differently-abled, and fill-in-the-blank way to describe otherness in the workplace.  If you are not in the majority–if you are a stranger in a strange land–this all may ring true for you.  Now you know why.

Knowing and understanding impostor syndrome puts a name–backed by research–to the fraud feelings.  The beauty in the awareness is also knowing there are ways to confront and address the feelings.  In my next post, I’ll explore some of the ways impostor syndrome shows up and discuss tips to combat.


You Might Also Like

  • Impostor Syndrome Part III: 5 ‘Competence Types’ and How They Contribute to Impostor FeelingsImpostor Syndrome Part III: 5 ‘Competence Types’ and How They Contribute to Impostor Feelings
  • Impostor Syndrome Part I: What is it and 6 Questions to See if it’s a ThingImpostor Syndrome Part I: What is it and 6 Questions to See if it’s a Thing
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Jacqueline Grace is a highly experienced operations and HR executive with more than 20 years of success leading people and operations across the financial services and hospitality industries.

She is also Queen of Crazyville (with Prince and Princess in tow) and Chief Engineer of The Hot Mess Express on a journey towards purpose--and trying to figure out how to "do life better"--while encouraging others to do the same.

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This Is Not About Me started in 2008 as a means to chronicle my wild, unlikely, and–ultimately–transformative journey as an MBA student through the Darden School of Business.  Slightly extending beyond graduation, it also documented my transition to wife and early-career casino executive all while pondering personal development, purpose, and passion.

Seven years, Five moves, seven addresses, four jobs, and two children later, we’re back! Grab a drink (or four) and venture with me through life as an executive, wife, mother, and budding fitness enthusiast tackling career, leadership, balance, and wellness—all while STILL pursuing purpose, passion, and–most importantly–peace.  Cheers!

This Is Not About Me started in 2008 as a means to chronicle my wild, unlikely, and–ultimately–transformative journey as an MBA student through the Darden School of Business.  Slightly extending beyond graduation, it also documented my transition to wife and early-career casino executive all while pondering personal development, purpose, and passion.

Seven years, Five moves, seven addresses, four jobs, and two children later, we’re back! Grab a drink (or four) and venture with me through life as an executive, wife, mother, and budding fitness enthusiast tackling career, leadership, balance, and wellness—all while STILL pursuing purpose, passion, and–most importantly–peace.  Cheers!

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🎬 Week in the Wild: Week 47 Words are starting 🎬
Week in the Wild: Week 47

Words are starting to return. Albeit slowly. A respite from the city for the holiday will help. To that end, throwing this on the grid on Thanksgiving eve and just before I flood the timeline with sights and sounds of the same (or not; we’ll see. 🤷🏾‍♀️).

Week 47 entailed a lot of people-ing (thanks @shonettehc for the term):

Baby Girl practicing steps from her West African class. Accompanied by Big Brother in all his glory (or silliness…same-same). 💃🏾🕺🏾🥰

Observation day at @sab_nyc. So proud to witness Reagan’s progress. Her focus and precision are (part of) her superpowers in general and certainly serve her well in her ballet training in particular. Love to see it. 🩰

Rando inclusion: Floral inspo for Thanksgiving centerpieces. Can’t wait to see how they turn out. Creating beautiful spaces is my happy place. Stay tuned…

Leadership team offsite. ‘25 planning. Connecting. Mini-golfing at @swingersus. You know…all the things. #work

Birthday celebration at @thelambsclub for a sister-friend with sister-friends. Magical. #foodforthesoul

Times Square. In the rain. Side note: I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been in Times Square in the last two years. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Saturday AM meal packing with the fam + 130 volunteers at The Cubs’ school for @riseagainsthunger, a global movement to end #worldhunger.

Rounding out the weekend: Brunching in Gramercy. Erranding in Midtown. Celebrating in Pelham. Sundaying in StuyTown. #allthethings

For good measure: K Dot got me through post-election day. Why not keep it going? #gnx

#weekinthewild #weekinreview #ryanandreagansworld🐻 #life #workingmomma #marriedwithchildren
After two days of off-siting, strategizing, and pl After two days of off-siting, strategizing, and planning for ‘25, it was only fitting that we gathered for food and fun and, of course, minigolf at @swingersus. Beyond grateful for this group—the hardest working senior leadership team in the biz. Full stop. #work #workhard #playhard 

#Repost @beamliving with @use.repost
・・・
Behind every great company is a strong, closely connected leadership team. That’s what we have here at Beam. Our Senior Leaders gathered this week for two days to discuss business strategy, future planning and do some team building while they were at it. Driven by innovation, integrity and a shared commitment to excellence, our leadership team has built a strong foundation that keeps all teammates aligned, motivated and focused on what matters most: our residents and communities.
🎬 Week in the Wild: Week 46 Yo, guess what? I 🎬
Week in the Wild: Week 46

Yo, guess what? I still don’t have a lot to say. 🤷🏾‍♀️ And, these days, my joy comes in the form of experiences. And The Cubs. And experiences with The Cubs.

Peak experience in Week 46? Taking The Cubs to @kingsbklyn to see Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse accompanied by a live orchestra, DJ, and percussionist. Bonus points: Ryan taking  in one of his favorite movies with his tribe. What started out as a family outing, grew to include the crew. So grateful for the same. 🙏🏾❤️

For posterity: Week 46

Pre-board meeting coffee at the most serendipitous location. Freeze dance with Two Cubs & A Pup—because don’t you play freeze dance with your dog on a random Monday??? Reagan training Cocoa. Honoring Ms. Jamison. Sunday dinner. Jamming out to GloRilla’s “TGIF” on the way home from Sunday dinner (Dad, don’t google it). 🎶💃🏾🕺🏾🤦🏾‍♀️😂

#weekinthewild #weekinreview #ryanandreagansworld🐻 #life #workingmomma #marriedwithchildren
🎬 Week in the Wild: Week 45 I (still) don’t 🎬
Week in the Wild: Week 45

I (still) don’t have much to say but I’ll leave this on the grid…with this story:

This week, Reagan taught me a lesson I’ll never forget. On Wednesday morning before leaving for school, she was in tears about the election. Later that evening, she had a sense of happiness and a pep in her step that I didn’t expect. She told me she’d gone to her “wishing well”—a place where she could give away her bad feelings and exchange them for good ones. Then, she reached into her pocket, extended her cupped hands to me, and shared with me what she took from the wishing well—“hope.” 🥹 I was moved by her optimism and resilience, but even more so, I was struck by the depth of her message. Out of the mouths of babes…

For posterity…Week 45:

11/5. 11/6. @maverickcitymusic at @barclayscenter. @theaileyschool class observations. Car Pool Karaoke: The Greatest Showman Edition. Cuddles with my girls. 👧🏾🐶Honoring Ms. Jamison, a legend. 🩰🕊️

K Dot: “I’m @&$! up, Homie you @&$! up, but if God got us then we gon’ be alright.”

Back to my corner. 😶🤲🏾📿📝

#weekinthewild #weekinreview #ryanandreagansworld🐻 #life #workingmomma #marriedwithchildren
For the grid. In honor of an amazing soul who did For the grid.

In honor of an amazing soul who did so much for dance. Her gifts changed the lives of so many—dancers and audiences alike. I am, once again, moved to tears by this loss in the dance world. However, I also know I am blessed to have been blessed by her brilliance.

#Repost @alvinailey with @use.repost
・・・
“Through dance, we’re as close to God as we’re going to get—until he calls us home.” 
- Judith Jamison 

It is with heavy hearts we share that Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater Artistic Director Emerita Judith Jamison (age 81) passed away peacefully today after a brief illness. We remember and are grateful for her artistry, humanity and incredible light, which inspired us all. 

Ms. Jamison joined Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater in 1965 and quickly became an international star. Over the next 15 years (1965-1980), Alvin Ailey created some of his most enduring roles for her, most notably the tour-de-force solo Cry. After dancing for Mr. Ailey, she went on to star on Broadway, appeared as a guest artist with ballet companies all over the world, and formed her own company, The Jamison Project. In 1989, Mr. Ailey asked her to return to Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater and succeed him as Artistic Director. During her leadership (1989-2011), she took the Company to unprecedented heights—including two historic engagements in South Africa and a 50-city global tour that celebrated the Company’s 50th anniversary. In 2005 her idea of a permanent home for the Ailey organization was realized with the opening of The Joan Weill Center for Dance, named after beloved Chairman Emerita Joan Weill. 

Sending heartfelt condolences and love to all. 

(Continued in the comments).
Election Day 2024. THE most consequential electio Election Day 2024.

THE most consequential election of our lifetime.

I went to bed on the eve after midnight. In tears. Simultaneously excited and anxious. Mostly anxious. 🤗😥

I woke up energized by The Cubs’ enthusiasm to vote. They woke up on their own. At 6a. 👧🏾👦🏾❤️

I’ve spent all day adequately and deliberately distracted. #work

After only 20 mins of post-work TV time, I couldn’t deal. I traded election coverage for SpongeBob SquarePants. #ryanandreagansworld🐻 

Now The Cubs are in bed. So this reel was my distraction. For a hot minute. Now it is done. #whatsnext

#election2024 #forposterity
🎬 Week in the Wild: Week 44 #44 out on a Monda 🎬
Week in the Wild: Week 44

#44 out on a Monday. Because I can’t trust my ability to formulate sentences the rest of this week. #november5

What’s on my mind today is the thing that’s on everyone’s mind: the election. THE most consequential election of our lifetime. I am overwhelmed with emotions and know that I will be even more so once the results are known—either way.

So, for now, all I will say is vote. And make sure everyone you know votes. #gotv

For posterity…Week 44:

👦🏾 Healing: Ryan returned to school, and taekwondo AND completed his belt test while still recovering from pneumonia. #grit

👻 Halloween: Beam won…as we always do. Bonus points: Clue-themed executive team costumes with live pumpkin murder mystery to boot. #workhardplayhard

🛤️ High Line and Hudson Yards: Taking advantage of the warm weather to extend running these NYC streets. Peeped the pigeon and the Vessel. Enjoyed dinner at @queensyardnyc. Random stops at @mujiusa @uniqlousa and @dylanscandybar for good measure.

🙏🏾 Hope: Final @winwithblackwomen zoom before the election. I was one of the 44K on 7/21 when this moment in history began, so it was only fitting to join the final one. Reagan watched the beginning with me. Madame VP @kamalaharris joined by phone from the tarmac as she continues her grueling push to the finish line. Reagan’s eyes widened when she heard her voice and said “Mom, is that really her???” with the excitement of a little, brown, 8-year-old girl full of hope and awe. There were tears. Mine. 🥹

We are our ancestors wildest dreams.

Check on your girl post-election. Check. On. Your. Girl.

#weekinthewild #weekinreview #ryanandreagansworld🐻 #life #workingmomma #marriedwithchildren
🎬 Week in the Wild: Week 43 We are going to ig 🎬
Week in the Wild: Week 43

We are going to ignore that we are at the tail end of week 44 irl and 43 is just getting posted. But also, that’s real life. 🤷🏾‍♀️

You know what else is real life?

Baby boy getting diagnosed with pneumonia while mom was in Chicago for ‘25 plan meetings. 👦🏾🤒 It has been a rough two weeks but he’s on the mend now. 🙌🏾

Random sightings from the week:

🐶 Halloween Dog Days at @stuytown
🪡 Acupuncture at @oraspace
🎃 Pumpkin Patch
🩰 American Ballet Theatre at @lincolncenter

Actually. Edit: Random sightings from Sunday. All of that was in one day.

While packed. It was intentional. Trying to provide experiences for The Cubs while also prioritizing the pursuit of peace for me.

More to come. For now, off to Reagan’s dance class…

Happy Saturday!

#weekinthewild #weekinreview #ryanandreagansworld🐻 #life #workingmomma #marriedwithchildren
Halloween By Day Beam wins Halloween. Every year. Halloween By Day

Beam wins Halloween. Every year. Period. #work

What we do is serious but we don’t take ourselves seriously. Clearly. Have you seen us??

Executive Leadership Team Clue themed ‘fits were supported with a live (pumpkin) murder mystery. #mrspeacockdidit

Pumpkin decorating and Halloween costume contests were the icing on the cake. Best in the biz. #funatwork #makingmemories 

Halloween By Night

Post-dance class. UWS crawl. Was an entire scene. In only the way NYC can do Halloween. The Cubs held their own in the mayhem for a little bit. Then we dipped to dinner at @cafefiorellonyc because…they had enough of the shenanigans and wanted to return to civilization. 😂

Oh what a night.

#work #workingmomma #halloween #scene
🎬 Week in the Wild: Week 42 Quick turn from #4 🎬
Week in the Wild: Week 42

Quick turn from #41. What? Who dis? 🤷🏾‍♀️

Brief week. #thankyouchris

Starting with travel home from the shore with my lone passenger—The Pup in all her glory. 🐶 #cocoa

Did you know fresh flowers make me happy? For this concrete jungle, tenement dweller, I’m not quite sure when that happened but here we are…loving nature and God’s creation. 🌻

Sights of the season seen around @stuytown. 🎃 #pumpkinpickmeup

Grapevining through Gramercy. A Reagan is gonna Reagan. 👧🏾💃🏾

Visit from friends-who-became-family was a highlight of the week. ❤️ #framily

Another highlight? Watching the @nyliberty bring New York its first basketball championship in 51 years. It was magical. Only thing better? Watching Reagan witness history…and seeing what happens when you invest in women.🗽🏀🎉 #everyonewatcheswomenssports 

Work travel this week. Have a good one, friends!

#weekinthewild #weekinreview #ryanandreagansworld🐻 #life #workingmomma #marriedwithchildren
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